i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
