my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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