I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
