Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
