I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
