Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
