I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
