What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
