Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
