I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
