She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
