??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
