If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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