Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
