my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
