Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
