I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
