Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Randomize
