I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
