She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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