OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He better not be in your backpack
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
