Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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