areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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