It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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