There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
