His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
