I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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