Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
