I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
