We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
