my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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