I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
