brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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