he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
