It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
