It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We got so high we made milksteak
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
