he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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