The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
