Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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