Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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