Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
