Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
