I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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