Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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