I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
