I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Mom said you looked used
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
