Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
