Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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