FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
