Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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