Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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