69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
