Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
