It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
