my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
