You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
