About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
